One of the most optimistic people I know is my 19-year-old cousin. Although always playful, smiling and rather non-serious, I've learned quite a bit from his unique behavior. People enjoy his company because he doesn't take himself or life too seriously - and we all love people who don't take themselves too seriously. He doesn't mind getting teased, which makes people comfortable around him. In fact, he often teases himself and expresses his flaws and mistakes easily This makes others feel safe regarding their own vulnerabilities.
Imagine if one fine day, you are out in a supermarket, and you have an unexpected encounter with a celebrity you admire. You would likely feel a little self-conscious. Famous people - or those whom we deem "perfect" make us uncomfortable because we think their presence highlights our own shortcomings. But the reason why everyone instantly feels comfortable with easy-going people, like the example of my cousin given above, is that they don't feel the need to impress others. They don't mind expressing their shortcomings in front of people. For an instance, taking the example of my cousin, he one day jokingly mentioned the mirror breaks in his presence - subtly implying he is not good-looking! Another time he rather honestly admitted he tends to lie sometimes - an oxymoron indeed! He casually says things about himself normally others try to hide. Since I consider myself a bit neurotic, I sometimes feel the need to prove myself or impress people. But with time I've learned that it's rather admitting your "flaws" that make you more likable and fun to be around. That is also another factor that makes him happier and more optimistic.
Dopamine vs Cortisol-
"A negative attitude requires less work than a positive one, and since humans are a little bit lazy, the path of least resistance spreads fastest"- Eduardo Clemente
Do you remember a particular time when you received a warm compliment when you least expected it? Or when someone gave you an encouraging or uplifting message. The happy feeling you receive is because of the hormone dopamine - also known as the "pleasure hormone". On the flip side, you have another hormone with a totally opposite function - cortisol, also known as the "alarm system" of your body. This is responsible for feelings of stress.
Unlike dopamine or other happy hormones, cortisol flows more easily in the brain, which then elicits negative thoughts. Our brains are wired to love cortisol! Its reason is clear; our brains need cortisol in order to warn us about the dangers in the environment. Looking at the holistic picture, this hormone is actually quite useful most of the time. It prompts us to wake up in the morning and get out of bed, motivates us to work hard, and be alert in the face of danger. In many ways, it's a blessing in disguise.
However, cortisol is released even in common, everyday inevitable situations, like having too much work-load or dealing with an unreasonable college. When this happens, this hormone is secreted in the body within seconds. This shows that thinking negatively is much easier than optimistically. Our minds are wired to focus more on the "threats". It's more convenient for the mind to worry than to look at the bright side.
The good thing is that most things we worry about never actually happen. And even if our worst fears come true we are generally good at navigating through them and finding a way out. We learn along the way how to handle challenging circumstances, every single time.
Keeping this in mind, here are some super easy ways to get past this natural bias and feel happier and more optimistic, no matter what the situation.
1. The "Bounce" Technique
This method is highly effective. Whenever the quick release of cortisol makes you think negatively, fight back by thinking of something positive instead. If someone was rude to you, you can think differently instead of taking it personally. You can bounce back and think, "maybe this person was having a hard time." Instead of going on a negative spiral, you can go uphill with tiny effort. If you're worried that you might have said something embarrassing, you can fight the thought with, "it's natural, and happens to everybody. No one will remember this in the wrong run."
This can be used in almost any situation. It might not be so easy at first, as it takes just a little bit of extra work to fight this natural instinct. Through practice, you can flex this muscle. And with time you can rewire your mind to be more optimistic.
2. "Switching on" Optimism
It's not the situations that make us happy or upset, but your own interpretations of them. Sometimes after attempting an exam, someone asks me "how did it go?" I often reply, "not good, I didn't know the answer to a part of a question worth 0.5 marks."
But I've observed others when asked the same question, reply, "the exam was wonderful! But I didn't know the answers to only five questions in the paper that had in total of eight questions."
And when they barely pass with 50-55 marks, someone would ask them "you said your exams went well!" they would reply laughingly "at least we didn't fail."
This shows completely different interpretations of events, leading to completely different feelings.
So whenever something goes the way I didn't want it to go, I ask myself is the situation really as bad as it seems, or is it just my own perception? Thoughts are much easier to manage than feelings. It's your thoughts that dictate if a situation is positive or not. Usually, you believe in our thoughts without question. That's why they hold so much power over you. But with practice, you can learn to convince youself that not all your thoughts are true. Through forcing yourself to look at the situation from a different angle, you can give it a complete different interpretation. You will often find your situation may have not been as difficult as expected.
3. "If you're grateful, I will give you more"
Gratitude is also a way to force the mind to look at the good things in life. In verse number seven of Surah Ibrahim, Allah expresses even if you show the tiniest bit of gratitude, He will increase you above and beyond. Just by being the least bit appreciative.
The word for gratitude in Arabic is shukar. Its root word is very interesting and gives the meaning of a cow that eats very little grass yet gives more milk.
It's interesting that the strongest possible language is used in this verse. Just by being the least bit appreciative, Allah promises that he will increase the thankful person beyond their expectations. But He did not mention exactly what he will increase in. By doing this, He has left the door open. There is no limit to what He will increase. Even if someone has a spec of appreciation in their heart – and they will get more and more and more... of everything! That's a huge compensation for something so simple.
This ayah was part of a sermon given by the prophet Musa (PBUH) to his people after they had crossed the Red Sea. He was addressing his followers - who were a very large group of traumatized people. They had faced generations of brutal slavery, witnessed their newborn babies get killed, and had lived under the oppressive regime of the Pharaoh. Yet, when they were finally freed from centuries of submission, Prophet Musa doesn’t give them a long lecture on patience. After going through unimaginable trials, you would expect to get a lecture on the merits of being pateint. Instead, he gave a lecture on gratitude.
The wisdom behind his speech is that you will never cultivate patience if you don’t have a grateful heart. Gratitude and patience go hand in hand. It's incredible how putting in just a little bit of effort and willpower can make life so much more beautiful.
Closing Thoughts
People who have an optimistic mindset, like the example of my cousin mentioned at the beginning of the article, naturally have the skills of looking at the bright side. But with deliberate practice, anyone can adopt this mindset of looking at the brighter side of life! With time, it won't be something that you do, but someone who you are.
References
https://www.learning-mind.com/the-amygdala-anxiety/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4_9XabaDr4
http://islamdailypost.blogspot.com/2016/03/if-you-are-grateful-i-will-give-you.html
https://www.inc.com/john-brandon/science-says-theres-a-simple-reason-you-keep-thinking-negative-thoughts-all-day.html
https://www.learning-mind.com/the-amygdala-anxiety/
My mother :)
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